When at fault,the first instinct is to defend yourself rather than to find the answer.

When it concerns one party,it could particially due to other factors..say Luck.
When it concerns two parties or more,it is no longer right to push blame to other things coz it is only you and me that are concern.

One always tend to get defensive,upset.

Why cant what was contributed be recognized?

We are always quick to notice what's missing.

It seem that we couldnt put what we have done,what we want across to each other.

Perhaps it was being misunderstood all the time.

You were wrong about surprises though.

Indeed who doesnt like being suprise(pleasantly.)

But I felt it was not fair to say I'm too smart for surprises.

In the first place what is surprise when it can be anticipated or guess?Simply predictable is not surprise.

Perhaps I am too wrong about this.

But I never compelled you to perform surprises for me.You had yourself doing it,isnt that so?

Right.That is an unfair statement.
I can take that back.

Till now you still think it is the surprises that I am talking about.

How do I smack it across your face to make you understand?

Look.You've changed and then never change back.

If that too is an unfair judgement.Sue me.
Coz we both have changed,I supposed.
It's just that we dont see our own changes as vividly as we can see others'.
We are faster to pass down judgement and fault, and then make ourselves the victims of the whole situation.

Not as good on phone.

I dunno if I should accept this as a reason or blah it off as an excuse.

I dun see how conversing on the phone can be any harder than conversing on face?
I really think this is a low excuse.
If you are not good on phone,wow..you mean you are good on conversing on face?
You mean we have endless topics when we see each other face to face but not when we are on phone?
Yes,this comes from someone who doesnt converse much during meal time.
Yea,I would love to believe so to.

Even so,I am not requesting a call everyday.
Sometimes it doesnt even come once a month unless I dial the tone first.
If I were to tell my galfriends this,they would laugh at my face.

Why am I comparing,if you asked?
Well..You mean I should be happy coz I am so different from them?
I am not different,I am just missing out.

Even if ya at home,even if you come back from training early...all it takes is a call,a simple conversation to pleasantly surprise me.

Yes..I am at the pt whereby a personal phonecall from you WOULD surprise me.
Pathetic,I cant help to think so.

And I am simply put off by phone calls from you ONLY when I make a big issue here.
Look..no matter how,this is not what I wanted already.
You might as well dont call anymore.

Hard to please huh?
Ya,me..me..ME!

Even if I were to write off all past issues,I just let this week be on trial.

Wow,I am surprised by the big plans you have.
Gee..I am honestly pampered by the whole idea.

Not!

What comes good is only what is done on rountine.

Of coz I fancied a good night out.
Hard to come by good dinner,movies,shopping.
I love it~

You mean,without ur pay,without all these so call good privileges...We cant do much better?

Yes,I deserved all those good treatments!

Why are you so quick to predefine everything for me.
Who are you?
Me?

I would appreciate all the good things you can give on me when you can afford it.But say when your river is drying out,it doesnt mean that you cant do anything more to make me happy.

Yes,it is always about me..isnt it?

Just on Tues and Thurs,just because I 'ruined' the "surprises" you wanted to give,you were so dead disappointed and then make me feel guilty for it.

What?With no explainations.

I still have no full idea what you wanna do,but with what I've 'ruined' without knowing means the rest of everything is ruin too?

Honestly I didnt think it was my fault.

Be fair.

On Tues,I passed by PS.I had alot of time to myself before the interview ALONE.
Your msg is one that I am wishing so hard to come.
But no.It's ok.
Since I am there,of coz I would take the cd rom first.
How would I know you took it for me as well.

When I met you,I didnt mind waiting despite feeling very tired and hungry.
I knew you were too so I tried to put on my best smile.
I REALLY thought that perhaps by seeing me,you wouldnt be half as tired.

Oh who the hell spin the line of seeing someone you love would take away all the tiredness.LIAR!

But I was wishing that at least you could gimme a smile.I wanted to tell you about my sucessful interview first thing but seeing you lidat just spoilt everything.

Fine..perhaps we were all tired.

Just what's with Thursday?

You never called me,never bothered to.Fine..I called.

Hack.The same thing.I explained that I were at Lucky Plaza of coz I would pick up my spects.
I mean it is only natural,right?
I thought it could save us the trouble of gg downtown again just to pick up my spects and then go to where we wanted TODAY.
No..It was a mistake.MY mistake.

I should have know that you'stole' my receipt and hint to me that I couldnt collect my spects one day earlier.
You wanted to pick them up for me.
Ys,Thank you.
I am sorry that I ruined it again,alright?

So what was intended to be a nice phone call become your ruined surprise and the end of conversation.

When I demanded a explaination,all you can tell me is PMS.

Splendid!

And now you asked that am I still hanging on to what happened to Tues and Thurs.

Tell me about it.

I was being brushed off for things that I dun understand and I dont think it is my fault.And you simply pretended nothing happened.
I dun even deserved a simple S-O-R-R-Y.

Your temper is abit on the edge today.I can perhaps understand that.Even if you feel that you have no need to apologise,at least tell me why dont you think so?Perhaps I would be justified.

Another issue.

You know how much I hate about this damn idea that "if we are gg out today,then we plan today.Wait for my msg/call."

I have said this before and even blogged it down.If you failed to recall,you obviously didnt remember what you read or maybe didnt even read.

Lemme give one fucking piece of mind to guys.

It is most annoying to wait for the green lights on the date itself.

(if you still consider it is a date.Or maybe I should just say a normal Saturday programme?It is already somewhat programmed that bf/gf ONLY go out on weekends unless otherwise stated.)

Imagine that I had the whole morning waiting,dressing up and WAIT and WAIT.
Half the day is gone then perhaps I hear a familiar msg alert sound.

I thought perhaps you are at training,as usual.
So I just waited.

Msg came at 12.30pm.
I was most appalled!

Sleeping!

You msged a cold msg just to tell me that you are turning in early and good night.
Wow..You are still sleeping.

It's not that I mind how late you wake.
I know you are genuinely tired.

But do you have any fucking idea that this proves me how much...just how much you value the "DATES" b/w us.

I dunno about you.
I dunno about you guys out there.

But if I were you,I would have plan the whole day.
I would have wake up early no matter how tired I am.(like I AM ALWAYS!)
I wouldnt have wait till the day itself.

I still reasoned to myself.
I still believe that you must be in trainings.

but no..alright?You have been sleeping.

And you wake up,everything is perfect to you huh?
It's like we are still laughing together yesterday.

WHEN U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH TEARS I HAD SHED ALREADY!

Dont call me ur gal and other names like before.

If that was the Jason I knew in the past,I would be most delight.

But now...It just turns me off.

Right...You can now flip the whole table around.

What about ME.

"You are too not the same gal I know.You have changed to be more expecting.You are putting me under pressure."

..

Under pressure.

I would still love to think that I havent changed abit.
If I have,I am defintely more giving and doting.

I never forced you to do anything for me.
If I have,it would be me pushing you to acheive what you CAN originally for YOURSELF.

It is just that...

I feel very undeserved and lied to.

Were we right for each other?

I keep on recalling the msg that 'I never want to make you cry.'



You lied.

Tell me again...when I cried.
I will laugh at you..at myself..at the whole world.

I know in this event,you are not solo.

I know too that somewhere I am at fault.

I will figure up where.

Dont ...

call

me.

I wouldnt love to hear ur voice and then make u do something u are not good at.